Sometimes I wish you could take a screen capture of the images in your brain. It frustrates me that I can see beautiful pictures in my head that I could never recreate; my limited artistic ability keeps me from successfully rendering the images in real life. I bring this up because I got a really cool picture this week of what lies ahead of me at this point in my life.
Thursday night we had an all-girls homegroup. During worship, we sang “Nothing I Hold Onto,” which has been somewhat of a theme song to my semester. We’ve sung it at the majority of our church services on Sundays and at several homegroups. It’s popped into my head more times than I can count as I have faced obstacles this semester — I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open, God. Take it from me; I can’t do it without You. But most of the times I’ve sung that song, it’s been because I face looming cliffs, piles of work and school and crap I have to deal with. Insecurities, fears, stress and overwhelming uncertainty. But this time it was different.
I saw a picture of myself standing on a plateau, on the edge of a forest, like I had just come out of it, and I was looking out towards a mountain — just me (but I knew God was there with me) looking at that mountain. Now, in real life, I don’t really enjoy hiking all that much. I’m out of shape and breathing is difficult in the high altitude. Most of the times I hiked in Colorado were out of obligation and a belief that I would be wasting my mountainous months if I didn’t hike. But in my picture, I was excited to climb this mountain. It wasn’t a mountain looming with dangers and obstacles to conquer; it was a mountain of exploration and possibilities. Is was as if God was saying, “Ok, Linds. We’ve gone through a lot this semester. We’ve had some rough times. We’ve uncovered and healed some stuff. We got rid of some crap. You’re freer now! It’s time for a new adventure.” And in my picture I was happy and excited to begin this journey with the Lord.
The past few weeks have felt like the start of something new (but not the High School Musical kind, unless I’m signing it to Jesus.). God totally answered a bunch of prayers and gave me an abundance of peace and freedom in the past few weeks that I never fathomed I could experience. I’ll be honest. After those prayers were answered, I just spent a few days rejoicing in God’s faithfulness, but I fell off my quiet time habits. I was still in community with God, but I wasn’t giving Him the extended time we need together. And then I went to New Orleans for a work conference and continued down a path of contentedness, but not the good kind. It’s the contentedness that leads “good Christians” to apathy and the lukewarm faith that Jesus speaks out against in Revelation. It’s the contentedness that leads to the stagnation of spiritual growth and pride that rears its head when I feel that my life is going “okay.” It’s when I lose my desperate need for the Lord that I start to die. My current position scares me a little. I don’t want to go back to where I was last summer. I want deeper intimacy with God even with my life is “good.” I want to start this adventure now! Today!
I see this new adventure waiting for me. Here I am possibilities staring me in the face, and I’m ready to take them on! I have at least three semesters left here in College Station, and I’m pumped for God to lead me through them. Where will I be this summer? Italy? Texas? New England? Colorado? California? Kuwait? Who knows! Where will I be GAing in the fall? Same job? Different job? Who will be my roommates in the fall? What will homegroup look like? Will we multiply? Do you want me to lead? What happens after graduation? Stay here? Austin? Who knows!
Let’s start hiking, Jesus. I’m ready for adventure!