Spent

Well, hello, faithful blog readers. Before you reprimand me for “breaking my fast” with the argument that you came across this post via Twitter and/or Facebook, I would like to defend myself with the fact that I have WordPress automatically set up to post to Facebook and to send out a tweet whenever I post. That being said, we can move on to the matters at hand.

I. am. spent.
But we will get to that in a moment.

The Divine Experiment has been good. Last week’s focus was on humility, and although I didn’t necessarily connect super strongly with our prayer guide each day last week, I do feel as though God put the spirit of surrender in me, which is somewhat related to humbleness. God repeatedly told me to give him everything: “my soul, my life, my all,” my worries, my fears, my uncertainties, my work, my school work, all of it. He spoke to me in the daily prayer meetings, in the discipleship class I’m taking at my church, and even through a really great “Serious Wednesday” post on Stuff Christians Like. He reminded me that his batting average is 100% and that I will never get the short end of the deal when I give him my life.

Surprisingly, the media fast hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be. While I often find myself composing tweets and status updates in my head when funny or interesting things happen, or when I come across a particularly awesome Bible verse, or encounter God in a cool way, I don’t miss it all that much. Part of me thinks that might have to do with the fact that I had zero free time last week to even think about being on Facebook, but we’ll see how the next two weeks go. I do miss staying updated on my friends’ lives back in Missouri, but I think after three weeks of no Facebook and Twitter, I can probably cut back my social media consumption considerably. With the help of Jesus and a Google Chrome plug-in, of course!

What has been difficult is the lack of sleep I’ve had. Although I set myself a 10:30 curfew, it has only been half successful. And even if I do isolate myself at 10:30, that doesn’t necessarily mean bed right away. And that also doesn’t include late nights Thursday-Saturday. So those 7 a.m. prayer meetings are rough muffins, as my MTCG girls might say. I have some struggz getting up in the morning! On top of getting 5-7 hours of sleep a night, I worked several really long days last week. Wednesday I left my house at 6:40 a.m. and returned at 10 p.m.

I’m realizing 6 and fewer hours of sleep make me incredibly vulnerable. By the evening, the littlest thing can set me into tears for no reason. Well, I mean, there’s a reason. I don’t cry for no reason, I just cry because I’m frustrated with things that wouldn’t normally frustrate me to tears. This is not an entirely new realization — it’s happened before, especially the summer I worked at the Missourian. I would wake up at 5 a.m. to work at the rec center and then go to the newspaper until the evening. The long days + lack of sleep + overwhelming or frustrating experiences while doing journalism = somewhat unexplained tears. Let’s just say I made one guy grad student TA really uncomfortable when I inexplicably (to him at least) broke down after some constructive criticism as I sobbed “It’s not you! I’m just so tired!” So I’m working on trying to go to God in those times when I just feel spent and empty physically. I’m trying to figure out if this crying thing is an appropriate expression of emotions or not. I feel like it is. Or at least it makes sense. I’m realizing more and more that our bodies were meant to work holistically: if we’re not completely in balance mentally, spiritually, emotionally or physically, the lack of balance in one area can affect the others, i.e. being more outwardly emotional when I am exhausted.

This week we’re focusing on seeking God’s face. Let me just say that God has been working on this in my life like crazy since school started. I’ve been seeking him a lot; I just want more Jesus! And he has been so faithful. I’m starting to recognize his voice more, and he’s been revealing himself to me in new, amazing ways. I had a really cool encounter with him this weekend at Onething. I want to blog about it later, I think. Let’s just say God has really crazy awesome eyes.

In conclusion, I will leave you with a few verses I’ll be focusing in on as I seek God’s face this week. Please continue to pray for me and my homegroup as we get into the second week of our sleep deprivation and fasting!

PS: As noted in my “About Me” page, my homegroup had a name change! We are now Shockwave, the homegroup formally known as Smackdown.

“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
—Jeremiah 29:12-13 (Too many people stop at Jeremiah 29:11!)

“Hear my voice when I call, LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, ‘Seek his face!’ Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior.”
—Psalm 27:7-9

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One thought on “Spent

  1. Such beautiful, encouraging, and TRUE words. Love the HUGE place God has rightfully taken up in your life, in your thoughts, in your motives, and in your actions. Love you Lindsay, and you’re mos def in my prayers.

    Also, you should refer to your homegroup from now on as “the homegroup formerly known as Smackown.” Sounds way more Prince-ish.

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