It’s one of the thoughts that has been plaguing my mind for the past week or so.
If you’ve been reading this blog, you know that I went to LT last summer, and it was a huge blessing in my life. You also know I was 99% sure I was going back this summer. But then you also know that I was offered a spot at my dream grad school with my dream grad assistantship, which required me to move to College Station this summer and not go to LT.
And if you’ve followed my tweets at all, you know I kinda wish I were at #LT2011.
Moving to College Station has been exciting (and deserving of a whole other blog post), but there’s a part of me that really wishes I were in Colorado.
I wish I were there for myself.
Last summer was an awesome time of growth for me. LT makes is easy. Ok, not easy in the sense of “That was a really easy summer!” but in the sense of “I’m surrounded by Christians and opportunities to reach out and learn and grow!” The whole purpose of LT is to grow. That’s not the whole purpose of College Station. Plus, I wanted to go back and do things differently. I wanted to meet more people, go to Boulder to outreach more, share the gospel more and lead a project group. I wanted to all those things, and now I will probably never have the chance to do those things specifically.
But I will still get to do those things here.
It just won’t be laid out perfectly for me. But that’s what I need. To be challenged, to make new friends in my new home, and to figure out how to serve and lead and share here, in College Station.
I wish I were there for my “freshies.”
I use the term freshies loosely because those girls are now sophomores (but they’ll always be “the freshmen” in my heart), and also because I have my sister there and the twins and other Twain girls I love who weren’t “the freshmen,” and I wish I was there for them. If you know me, you know my motherly personality (the freshmen call me Mama…). Part of me wishes I were at LT to be there for them and to be able to continue to equip and train those younger people in my life.
But they don’t need me like that anymore, and I can take a reduced role of support here.
Those guys are ready to step up and lead. Mama Bear needs to step back. I can still support them through prayer, encouraging letters and occasional Skype chats. I can answer some of their questions, but let them figure things out on their own, too.
I wish I were there with my friends.
All those people I mentioned in the previous paragraph are my friends, as well. I’m comfortable with them. Being around them is easy and familiar. Being in College Station has been a little hard. I only know 3 or 4 people really well. I know several others on the surface level, but I am craving that deeper friendship. I was sort of looking forward to transitioning from Mizzou to A&M out at LT, when I could be with both groups of people. But God had something else in mind.
But I can make new friends here.
I can build on the basic friendships I already have a go deeper with these new people. It’s hard, and I have to be proactive, but it’s good. As much as a slow, regulated transition would have been nice, severing all personal, face-to-face contact with Mizzou people forces me to really reach out to the A&M people. I’m not going to sit here alone in my apartment, so I’m going to start building my support system for the next two years.
So, in summary, part of me is bummed I’m not at LT.
I feel like I’m missing out on opportunities for “easy growth,” I miss my friends and I’m having to let go of my “babies.”
But it’s good to be here.
I know God is going to use this summer to stretch me and prepare me for the next two years here. I’ll make new friends and adapt to my new environment, and it’s going to be great. God knows what I need, and this, here, is what I need.
In the mean time, I’m going to be praying like a mad person for my Mizzou family out in Colorado. And if you’re looking for something to pray about, Katie, Samjay, Michelle, Jason, Kyle, Blair, Ethan, Cindy, Rachel, Mariah, Sam and Makenzie could use your prayers as well.
Plus I get to visit all them in 55 days and 18 hours! I will survive on Twitter hashtags (#LT2011), Facebook updates and albums, and blog posts until then!