I have been a leader since kindergarten when my teacher asked me if I wanted to be the ringleader in the Kindergarten Circus. No joke.
Since then, I have taken on various leadership roles, some that I applied for, some that I was asked to take, some that I wanted, some that I didn’t. I have three younger siblings, so obviously I’ve been put in charge of them in various occasions. I was frequently chosen as a section leader in orchestra, even when I wasn’t the best technically. My basketball coach even told me when I tried to quit “We know you’re not the best player on the team, but you’re a great leader, and we could really use that.” Not exactly what you want to hear about your ball skillz, but at least it was kind of a compliment?
I’m not trying to be boastful or prideful here; it’s just something I happen to have a talent in, apparently. A spiritual gift.
But after 15 years of leading, I was kind of looking forward to this summer of not being responsible for anyone but myself.
Ha. God had other plans for me. He always seems to do that…
The night before I drove to LT, Peggy, a staff member at The Rock, called (in the middle of the Lost finale!) to tell me that I was being asked to be a Life Group leader. She left me a garbled message from bad reception to tell me that it was kind of like our Core Groups back at Mizzou, but more structured and with some coaching. As I listened to the message during a commercial break I cringed. A leadership role. Not what I wanted for the summer.
See, I only started going to The Rock 10 months ago. And in that time I have been asked to lead a Core Group and in the fall will be leading as an equipper for our Canvas Group. When John asked me to lead a core group last November or so, I was hesitant to say yes. I really only said yes because I would be co-leading the group. I was super unsure of the whole thing, especially since I had never been IN a Core Group and had no idea what to expect, much less what to DO. At least with the equipper role I’ve had more time to acclimate to the group and actually experience what Canvas Group is supposed to be like.
The fact that I was asked to be a leader at LT when I have never been to LT terrified me. Like, what the crap, God? There are a million people here who have been before and actually know what’s going on. Why me? I just wanted a summer to be filled up, a summer to follow and work on myself. I know leaders don’t have to have it all together, but Lord knows I DON’T have it all together, and I was hoping to get it SOMEWHAT together this summer. But I guess it IS called Leadership Training for some reason…
While I struggled and fought with the idea for a few days, I’ve warmed up to it. I know God is going to use this opportunity to stretch and grow me and prepare me for next semester. I’m also excited about being coached by an awesome couple from A&M and working with some really great Project Group leaders and fellow Life Group leaders. (Truth be told I’m feeling some camaraderie with those Aggies. Grad school, anyone? Whoop?)
I guess in the end what I need is prayers that I can leader and be filled by this leadership position, that I can use this opportunity to get it somewhat together and prepare for the fall. I suppose that’s what LT’s for. We shall see…