I’m no Merida

I have been told by many people this summer that I am incredibly brave. People are amazed that I would just pick up and move to Oregon without knowing anyone. They’re astounded I just picked up and moved to Missouri for college without knowing anyone. They think I’m this confident, independent woman who just makes friends at the drop of a hat and isn’t afraid of being alone. In some respects, part of that is true. I like to think I’m somewhat confident and independent (though I think that sentence just negated the “confident” part). I do make friends fairly easily, and I enjoy my alone time.

But y’all, if I’m being real, what you don’t know is that I’m homesick right now. I’m sitting here missing Columbia. I haven’t truly been homesick for Columbia in ages! I’m missing Colorado, and LT was two years ago. I’m missing College Station and Texas A&M. I’m missing my beautiful roommates and their daily friendship. I’m missing my homegroup and our crazy antics and shenanigans. I’m missing the dudes at the Dudeplex. I’m missing the people I play worship with on some Sunday mornings. I’m missing people able to play music with others in general. I’m missing people who would get excited and care that Mizzou and A&M are now both members of the SEC. There, I just word vomited all my homesickness out.

And I hate admitting this. I want to be brave. I want people to think I’m independent and confident. But that’s just my stupid pride. And that actually isn’t so good. So here I am telling you. When it comes down to it, I’m just not that brave.

(I am, however, a fiery redhead with a Scottish background, so in that sense, yes, I am like Merida. The blog post title is mostly a play on the movie’s title.)

Going to Mizzou wasn’t that big of a deal because it was college. Everyone picks up and starts a new life in college. You’re encouraged to break away from your high school friends and meet new people. Even though I knew no one going to Mizzou, I also knew lots of people would know no one at Mizzou. And we could know no one together. Plus there were all sorts of instruments in place to help me meet people at Mizzou: my Summer Welcome group, my residence hall, my FIG. That doesn’t count.

As for Oregon, yes, I moved here not knowing anyone, but I also knew it would only be for nine weeks. You can do anything for nine weeks. I also did a lot of research to ensure I wouldn’t be totally alone here. I friended the two ACUHO-I interns on Facebook before I even got to Oregon after I asked my boss if there would be other interns here. I researched churches before I left so I could start meeting people right away. People saw that as be just being a planner, but it was also me not wanting to be alone.

And even though I’ve met some great people here and really never run out of things to do, I miss my friends. I miss my home(s). I miss CoMO. I miss Colorado. I miss CStat. (I even miss Arlington a little, but actually not all that much. Sorry Mom & Dad and Blair and grandparents! I’m not used to seeing you that much… that’s the only reason why! I promise it’ll make sense by the end of this post.)

Ever since I moved to Mizzou, I have never truly been without friends. I had my Mizzou friends at Mizzou. I stayed in Columbia with friends for two summers. I went to Colorado for a summer, but I went with Mizzou friends, and in fact, it was nearly all my close Mizzou friends that went! I moved to College Station, but I also already had friends there. I went to Italy for two weeks, but that was only for two weeks, and I at least was starting to become friends with most of my teammates.

This summer, this Oregon summer, is the first time I have truly moved somewhere without knowing anyone or having a group of other newbies to cling to. This is the longest I’ve been apart from my CStat friends. (This is not even close to how long I’ve gone without seeing my family, hence not missing them as much. This is somewhat normal for how we function these days.)

This is quite possibly what post-grad-school life is like. And that terrifies me. People say I’m brave and can just move somewhere without knowing anyone, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I don’t want to do that when I graduate.

Searching for a job is like a big scary black unknown for me right now. Thank God it isn’t happening for 10 months. If I had my way, next fall I’d working in College Station, Austin, Memphis, San Marcos, the DFW, Mizzou or Pitt. Where I know people. Or where there are GCM churches. Where I would not be alone. I see these SAAHE second years recent grads who are off starting their lives in totally new places. They are the braves ones.

I dread starting over. I don’t want to have to share my life story with a new set of strangers. I don’t want to have to re-explain who people are when I tell stories from my past. And I realize this will happen even if I stay in CStat or move to another GCM campus church or back to Mizzou or whatever. I’m going to meet new people, and I actually enjoy making new friends. But only if I have some constants. Even moving to CStat was hard in that aspect because even though I had a few close friends there, I still had a support system to rebuild. I remember thinking to myself, “Crap. I have to find my new Amanda Craven (one of my closer female friends, peer discipler, and confidant).”

Anyway, now I’m just letting my fears out all over the page, which is silly because I know God is going to take care of me wherever I go. I will be okay if I stay in College Station. I will be okay if I end up moving to Montana or somewhere equally as random and far away. In fact, I will be better than okay. I will be great because the Lord’s plan for my life is more than my tiny, homesick mind can fathom. And if this post makes me sound miserable, don’t worry, I’m really not. I’m just excited that in five weeks I’ll be back in Texas. I’m going to enjoy my last five weeks here, but I’m also glad it’s only five weeks.

I just wanted to dispel this myth everyone keeps believing. I’m not that brave! I am only able to do this, to have this experience, because I trusted God with my summer. I know I’m supposed to be here, and it’s been really, really good for me. It’s been restful. It’s been professionally helpful. And it’s been revealing, socially and professionally, about what I want in the future. Just think. If I hadn’t come here this summer, this whole new experience might have been at my first job, which hopefully will last more than nine weeks. At least now I won’t be surprised by my homesickness in the future. I’m coming to terms with it. I don’t have to hide it out of my pride. I’m learning to accept my inherent need for true community, unconditional support, and deep friendship. And that’s worth nine weeks of missing.

Thoughts on Easter via Little Women

I can’t not blog about this.

This semester has been the worst.There has been a lot of good things, but there have also been so many things slowly chipping away at me.

Classes are overwhelming. Work has been stressful the past few weeks. My grandma, who has lived with my family for the past 8 years, is about to pass away. My apartment flooded. Trying to figure out apartments next year was a huge pain. I have been itchy for 13 weeks because I’m allergic to my detergent or A&M construction or GOD KNOWS WHAT. I raised support for the first time. I interviewed 20 times for a summer internship. I’ve tried to hide from so much stress, which has only increased my anxiety.

To quote one of my dear roommates, “Jesus told me I’m despondent.”

And sometimes when I just feel so tired and stressed and despondent and  I just want some comfort, I turn to my favorite movie, Little Women.

I don’t know why this is my favorite movie, but it is. I love the family, the warmth, the innocence and simplicity. And I love firey, independent, writer chacters like Jo (and Skeeter from The Help, which I recently finished reading), even though I get upset every time Jo says no to Laurie, even though it’s probably best for them in the end.

Well, last night I couldn’t turn to the movie because it’s in College Station, and I’m in Arlington. So I turned to the book instead, which I have recently started rereading on my new Kindle. (Side note: I love my Kindle so much even though I swore I’d never want one. At some point I will write a whole blog post on it.)

I read Little Women once in high school. but it had been so long, and it was free on Amazon, so I started up again a few weeks ago. And tonight I came across this quote that I had to share. I’ve already read it about ten times tonight.

“…I have a better friend, even than Father, to comfort and sustain me. My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning and may be many, but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one. The more you love and trust Him, the nearer you will feel to Him, and the less you will depend on human power and wisdom. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength. Believe this heartily, and go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows…”

—Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Word, Marmee.

So it’s Easter, and honestly, I haven’t specifically thought much about Easter recently. I haven’t really given Jesus the proper reflection he deserves lately. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve spent most of this semester calling out to Jesus to save me from this spring. But I haven’t paused to think back on why I can call on him, what he did for me at the cross.

So thank you, Louisa May Alcott and Mrs. March, for pointing me back in the right direction this Easter. Because of Jesus, I don’t need to be despondent, even when the site of my planner gives me a panic attack. The Lord is faithful.

Meanwhile, back in College Station…

It’s been a while since I wrote anything of significance about myself personally. So here’s a little catch up of what’s been going on in my life.

Must love dogs
In the past, I haven’t been the biggest supporter of dogs, mostly because my family dog, Molly, ruined all dogs for me. So it’s taken some time, but over the past year or six months, I’ve begun to warm back up to dogs.

This process was significantly sped up by the arrival of my friend Barclay‘s husky, Cobalt. It’s not that Cobalt isn’t somewhat cute, it’s just that Cobalt is the dog of one of my good friends, so I pretty much have to like him. Luckily the obligation part of liking him is slowly giving way to almost near genuine affection.The change in my feelings towards dogs has also been accelerated due to the fact that A&M’s mascot is a fluffy border collie, and I desperately want to meet her and take a photo with her.

Cobaltimore Bartlesby Bell, aka Cobalt

Reveille, the First Lady of Aggieland

*baby voice*
I have recently been surrounded by babies, which has been pretty heavenly. I love babies, so it’s been great to play with Ezra, Eva, Jackson and the babies in my church nursery. This weekend I get to go home and meet another baby, Elliot! (What’s with all the E-names this year? Must be this year’s trend.)

New and improved
I updated my “About Me” page and got a new header! You like? Now I just need to adjust my Twitter background…

Pass it back, Ags!
I met the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Yell Leaders and took a photo with them. Perks of my job/perks of my boss’s brother being a yell leader.

Thanks and gig 'em!

Awaken your wine
Today my friend and coworker Nick and I went to the Messina Hof Winery in Bryan because he likes wine, I want to learn more about it and he’s leaving Texas to go back to the Midwest in three days. $7 got us a tour of the winery, a sample wine glass and four wine tastings, though our tour guide ended up letting us try six wines since there were only four of us on the tour. The only bad thing about this whole deal was that the tour guide asked Nick and I

• if we were married
• if we were engaged
• if we wanted to get engaged
• if we wanted a room at the bed & breakfast

It was all in jest (I think), so it was more funny than awkward. I’m not entirely sure if the tour guide ever realized there were no romantic feelings between Nick and I, but despite all that, I still feel like $7 for the evening was a sweet deal. And I found out I like Port. Yum!

It all ends… 7.15
Tomorrow night I’m going to see the last Harry Potter movie. Crazy. We had a Harry Potter movie marathon and watched the first seven moves last week. It was a long 28 hours, but it was really fun.

Harry Potter was such a huge part of my junior high and high school identity. I went to several midnight book and movie releases, dressed up as Ginny Weasley more than socially acceptable, listened to Harry Potter podcasts on a weekly basis, studied for vocabulary tests using Harry-Potter-related sentences (It took me way too long to find that link)… I was a Potter-head if there ever was one.

My high school friends and I at the midnight release of the seventh book four years ago

It’s funny to think about what I did for the last several movies that came out. It’s definitely indicative of what stage of life I was in at the time…

• Order of the Phoenix: Midnight release with Caleb and Angela
• Half-Blood Prince: covered the midnight premier for the Columbia Missourian
• Deathly Hallows Part 1: watched it the Saturday after it came out and immediately left town to visit College Station when it was over
• Deathly Hallows Part 2: midnight premier with my new A&M friends

Dearly beloved
It seems that I might be reaching the life season of weddings. A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of two people in my new A&M homegroup, and this weekend I’m heading back to the DFW for my dear friend Angela’s wedding. I wonder who will be next in this season of life! (Probably Thomas & Shelby in January… but after that, who knows!)

Rocky mountain high
In just a little over a week, I will be en route to the Rocky Mountains to visit my sister and all my friends working out at the YMCA of the Rockies: Estes Park Center for Colorado LT 2011. I am beyond pumped to escape the Texas heat, hang out with my favorite (i.e. only) sister and catch up with my dear, dear Mizzou Mark Twain Canvas Group loves!

So in the end, that was still somewhat of a lame post, but at least it wasn’t about the Ambien Walrus. Maybe I’ll write something of spiritual depth and fortitude soon. Until then, this is what’s been up with me!

Play clothes

So all during the time while I was growing up, my family would go to church every Sunday. We wore our Sunday best, which wasn’t super fancy, but usually included a skirt and blouse for my sister and I and a polo and khakis for my brothers.

Every Sunday when we got home for lunch, my dad would remind us to go change into our “play clothes,” which essentially meant  changing out of our “nicer” Sunday clothes into our everyday clothes. The term “play clothes” has been a part of my vocabulary ever since then.

(Is that what everyone calls them? Or was that a just-our-family thing? I never know with family vernacular. For instance, my parents call loud church music “whangy-bangy” music, but I know that’s just our family. I can’t tell with other terms, though.)

Anyway, I now work at a semi-professional job that requires me to wear a maroon or white polo and khaki or black shorts almost every day. I only have three polos and a few pairs of shorts, so I am very conscious about keeping them clean since I have to wear them more than once between washings. This has led to me changing clothes as soon as I get home from work in order to decrease the chance that I spill something on my work clothes.

But every time I change out of said polo and shorts, I just think of my dad telling me to change into my play clothes. And I feel silly because I’m 22, and I’m obviously not going on a play date or going to run around a playground or anything in my “play clothes.” Usually I just change into a T-shirt and jorts (because they are forbidden at work).

But yeah, that’s just something that’s made me chuckle to myself over the past few weeks, and I wanted to share somewhere.

Does anyone else use the term “play clothes”?

There’s a spirit can ne’er be told

It’s official. I love Texas A&M. I mean, I know I’ve been gushing about this silly school for months, but after Thursday night, I’m hooked. (But not in a t.u. “hook ‘em” way… Sssssssss.)

Thursday was our first full day of freshman student conferences. It was a long day (I worked from 7:30 a.m. to 10 p.m.), but I got a good feel for most of the activities freshmen go through during their orientation here. One of the last events students go to is a session called “Being an Aggie & Yell Practice.” During this session, representatives from across campus (the student body president, the director of the Aggie Orientation Leaders Program, members of the Corps of Cadets, etc.) talk about different opportunities at Texas A&M and what makes it a unique and special school. After those speeches, the iconic Yell Leaders come on stage and tell the stories behind all of Texas A&M’s traditions before leading the new freshmen in their first Yell Practice.

The traditions of A&M, Yell Leaders and Yell Practice are somewhat difficult to explain if you don’t go to A&M. If you click that link above, that will at least give you some context for Yell Leaders and Yell Practice. Just know that all of these things contribute to more school spirit than I have ever seen and a loyalty to Texas A&M that is passed down through generations.

Such as in my family, where my cousin Peter Mack is a direct 5th-generation Aggie. I’m technically a 4th-generation Ag, but my parents didn’t go here, so my line’s a little indirect. But think about it: my great-grandfather went to the same school I go to now. Holy cow.

As the Yell Leaders led us in the “Aggie War Hymn” and the alma mater, “The Spirit of Aggieland,” I have to admit I got a little emotional. Here I was singing “We are the Aggies, the Aggies are we,” thinking about my grandfather. I never got to meet Granddaddy Bruce, as my older cousins call him. I mean, technically I did meet him, but he died shortly after I was born, so I obviously have no recollection of it. But as I sang this song for the first time, I felt this weird connection with him, knowing he had probably sung this song many times many years ago.

I really want to talk to my grandma about my grandpa’s time at A&M. I’d love to see pictures and hear some stories from back in Old Army. It all really goes back to what my grandma told me before I left to move down here: “I hope you love Aggieland. There’s just a spirit there.”

Yes, there is.

Taking a tear-stained leap of faith

It is amazing how being late by 10 minutes can cost you hundreds of dollars and force you to make life-changing decisions in minutes.

Today I was supposed to fly out of College Station at 7:05 a.m. I arrived at the airport at 6:45 a.m. where I was promptly told that because I was not there 30 minutes early, I couldn’t get on the plane. Obviously I burst into tears. I would have never gotten to the airport so late if I weren’t in tiny, teeny College Station. I was told you don’t really have to get there that early. Apparently you need to be there more than 30 minutes early, though.

It normally wouldn’t have been a big deal to push my travel plans back to accommodate stand-by flights, but I had two connecting flights and a shuttle connection on Detroit. Things were not looking good. The ticket worker told me I could easily get on stand-by flights to Dallas and Chicago, but getting to Detroit would be tricky. The flights were oversold, and it looked like I’d be spending the night at the Chicago airport.

It didn’t help that interviews for A&M this past week were mentally and physically exhausting. I had to be “on” for three days on top of suffering from sleep deprivation. Last night I burst into tears again, dreading having to repeat the same “look perky, meet tons of strangers, pray people hire me” scenario in Ohio with just a day’s worth of plane rides separating the two conferences.

So it came down to two choices: get to Chicago, sleep there, somewhere, and get to Bowling Green on Sunday; or forget the whole thing and go home. I called my mom in tears, looking for comfort and guidance.

Being 10 minutes late forced me to look at the situation and ask really hard questions: Do I even want to go to Bowling Green? Would I actually be happy there knowing I wasn’t at A&M? If I don’t get into A&M, would I be happy with Bowling Green instead? If I don’t interview at Bowling Green and I don’t get into A&M, what will I do next year? Stay at the Y? Get an internship? Move home? Move to College Station and try to find a job?

Do I sleep at the Chicago airport, furthering my exhaustion, only to try to put myself together for Bowling Green interviews, or do I just throw in the towel and go home, trusting that God, after putting A&M on my heart for six months, will get me there?

Of course, it’s totally easy to make these decisions on fewer than 5 hours of sleep in an airport in the middle-of-nowhere Texas with mascara running down your face  and an empty stomach. Right.

There were many scenarios considered, and none of them were cheap. If I took my stand-by flight to Dallas, I would need to get from Dallas to St. Louis. I could change my Southwest flight originally for Detroit to St. Louis, but that would cost money. I could get a hotel in Chicago, but that would cost money.

Finally, after crying and thinking in the airport for an hour, I decided to call Bowling Green to see if they would allow me to do phone interviews; good news: they would. With that, I decided to take my stand-by flight to Dallas, spend some time recovering from the ordeal with my family, then change my Southwest flight to take me back to St. Louis.

That’s when I discovered the absolute ridiculousness that is American Airlines. I could fly stand-by free of charge, but if I wanted to get my checked bag anywhere other than their final destination in Detroit, I’d have to buy an entirely new ticket. Don’t ask me to explain why. It was something about “contracts” and how I was late, so it’s my fault and they were doing me a “service” to even let me fly stand-by. I lost it at the ticket counter. I later apologized profusely, but I might have said something to the extent of “I WILL NEVER FLY AMERICAN AGAIN.”

Fortunately, I have a gracious, generous family who was willing to help me fix my costly mistake. And so my checking account remained at it’s precarious “I have fewer than $200 to my name until payday on Wednesday.” level. PTL for my parents and grandparents.

So here I sit now, waiting to go through security, absolutely yearning to hug my mom and dad, eat something and then sleep for a very long time in my own bed, not someone’s couch.

The truth is I want to be at A&M. I’m going to be happiest there. I already have an apartment lined up with a community of Christian girls from the two homegroups I want to join (which will actually probably make that decision of having to pick one of them even harder). I want to be closer to my family. I feel like God has put this place on my heart, and so I’m taking the leap of faith to trust him completely with abandon. I felt like my interviews went well, even if the 27 candidates all lead campus tours, were RAs and ran orientation. It’s competitive, but I feel like I’m supposed to be here, and if I am, I will be.

I’m still going to do phone interviews for Bowling Green, and if I get in there instead of A&M… well, I’ll cross the bridge when/if I get there. I should know about my College Station fate by Friday, and until then, all I can do is hand it all over to God, get some sleep, love my family and do the best I can.

My last first day

*WARNING: This post is probably going to disgustingly cheesy/reminiscent.*

Today is my last first day of college. Crazy.

It’s so incredibly weird to look back at the last three and a half years and see how much I have changed. How many people I’ve met. How many experiences I’ve had. How many things I’ve learned.

The summer after my senior year of high school, my friend Chelsea made me a CD of music all about leaving and starting new adventures for my first drive to Missouri. It’s kind of been a staple in my road trips from then on. I’ve listened to it almost every time I’ve gone anywhere far away in my car, including Saturday’s drive back to Missouri.

So obviously I’ve listened to these songs a lot. But Saturday I found myself tearing up a bit on I-30 heading to Dallas as some of the lyrics hit me. I’m kind of ashamed to admit it because the songs could be considered somewhat cheesy/cliché. For example, the first track on the CD is Kelly Clarkson’s “Breakaway.”

Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away…

And I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change…

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging ’round revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on…

I won’t forget all the ones that I loved…

But I won’t forget the place I come from…

The past three/four years have been crazy. I’ve traveled to so many places (St. Louis, Kansas City, Duluth, Minneapolis, St. Paul, Austin, Abilene, Iowa, Chicago, Arkansas, San Diego, College Station, Ohio, Colorado…); I’ve made so many changes in my career path, in my relationship with God, in my outlook on life, on my values; I’ve taken paths knowing idea where they would lead; but I’ve also learned how much I love my family and home.

The other song that got me was Bethany Dillon’s “Move Forward.”

And I have seen
Great things from a distance
They beckon me
I follow them

And I move forward
I move forward
I move forward to home, to home

And I push every hindrance aside

My dreams for the future would have sounded insane to me as an incoming freshman four years ago. You want to go to grad school for what?! But I have seen these great things I could do, the change I could effect on college students, and I want it so bad. And I want A&M so bad. I want home, Texas, so bad.

So I’m moving forward to home. And I will push every hindrance aside to get there, with the help of God, of course.

So let’s do this, Spring 2011. I’m ready for you.

#100: Ohio reflections

I just realized this will be my 100th post on this blog!

Dang, when I started this thing back in January, I didn’t really have a huge plan for it; I just knew I wanted to be open in sharing what God has been doing in my life. I never expected to be so blessed by friends and acquaintances’ comments and encouraging responses to my writings or even the personal reflection this blog has been able to give me. I look forward to sharing my one year anniversary with Lindsay in Progress in about a month!

Meanwhile, it’s my last full day in Ohio. Sitting on Kristen’s futon and watching the snow fall gently outside, I’ve been reflecting back on the past few weeks since Thanksgiving break. Here are some things I’ve been thinking about.

#1. I miss my family.
I mean I’ve always missed my family since I left for school in August of 2007, but in the past 6-ish months I have begun to miss them all the more. I absolutely adore my siblings and love spending time with them; Thanksgiving definitely reminded me of that. I can’t wait to go home and see them in a week! I also wish Blair wasn’t going to school in Arkansas because, God willing, I’ll be back within reasonable driving distance of our home base next year and can actually come home for junior high band concerts or high school graduations. I wish our whole family could be close again.

#2. I don’t have a college best friend.
Don’t get me wrong, I have several incredibly close friends at school without whom I couldn’t survive sometimes, but I don’t have one stand-out “I tell her everything, and she knows everything about me” best friend here. My life has been a weird cycle of new friends every few years. Unlike my sister who has had the same best friends since kindergarten, my core group of friends has changed with the seasons in my life. There were my elementary school friends, then junior high friends, then early high school friends, late high school friends, orchestra high school friends, early college friends, journalism college friends Rock college friends, LT friends… I’m not sure if it’s a bad thing necessarily; it’s just something I’ve noticed.

#3. I am so incredibly excited for LT 2011 regardless of if I get to go or not.
LT 2011 and I have been going back and forth all semester. There are days I just can’t even wait to be back in the mountains, but there are also days that the idea of working housekeeping 40 hours a week for 12 weeks just really turns me off. I’d say I swing back and forth between 95% for sure going to LT and 60% for sure going, but the past few weeks I’ve been more and more excited about it.

I know of at least three to five Twain girls are considering going, and they are what I am most excited about. I want to see them grow in God and develop their leadership skills. I want to watch them lead Life Groups so badly. If I were asked to lead a Life Group again, I would say yes, but with the caveat that if there were a younger girl in my Project who had some leadership potential that they be asked first. I want so badly to be in a Life Group with Sam or Michelle or Katie or Mariah and watch them grow into even more beautiful women of God as they lead.

In the same hand, I think I’d really like to try to lead a Project Group. If I’m not asked, I won’t be upset at all; in fact it would be a good summer or rest before I start the next chapter in my life. But if I were asked, I think it could definitely be an awesome learning experience and challenge for myself this summer.

As for the me possibly not going, I mean it is a possibility. I’m going to apply and get ready as if I were going, but if a get a graduate assistantship that starts during the summer, I’ll be taking that.

Overall, I’m not really worried about any of this; I know God will put me where I need to be this summer, whether that be at school or in Colorado, leading a Life Group or a Project or just relaxing with Him.

#5. Christmas Break is taking FOREVER to get here.
I had a week and a half of class after Thanksgiving where I had maybe two big things. Now I’m in Ohio with another two big things due next week. So that’s like four things spread out ever-so-slowly over three weeks. It’s like home is slowly inching its way toward me, and it’s driving me crazy. I just want to be done and homeward bound. At least I only have one more week of slow agony left!

Lastly, I’d like to ask for some prayers.

• First of all, I’m a bit worried about my flight back to Missouri tomorrow. It’s supposed to “snow squall,” and I really don’t wat my flight delayed. Also pray for my friends who are driving an hour to Cleveland and back to take me to the airport.
• Secondly, I have a lot to get done in this next week, namely some SC organization stuff, a magazine editing test, a 10-page paper and two grad school apps. Pray I get this all done so I can GO HOME.
• Thirdly, prayers for a productive break. I have a lot of things I want to do and accomplish this break, but I’ll need discipline to stay off Facebook and make good use of my time. Pray that I have the desire to accomplish my goals and that I can grow closer to God even when I’m away from my community for four weeks.

Good luck to everyone with finals this week. Safe travels to you all, as well!

It’s that time of year!

Christmas is coming, friends!

I have…
6 more days of class
8 days until Ohio
13 days until my one and only final
15 days until TEXAS

Until then, I’ll push through the end of my last fall semester at Mizzou by making Procrastination Funfetti Cupcakes, listening to Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker Ballet on repeat and enjoying my Christmas decorations!

My baby Christmas tree

My grandma makes Christmas balls like this one every year. It's a family tradition we've passed on, and I made this little one last year!

The icicle in the foreground of this photo is one of hundreds that used to hang on my grandma's tree. She gave all the grandchildren a bag of them last year, and they're some of my favorite ornaments.

Silly star Santa lights my mom found for me at an estate sale or something.

My stocking from my first year of Twain staff during training week!

Lights and a paper chain made by my residents my first year on Twain staff

Mmmm Procrastination Funfetti Cupcakes on the Christmas plates my mom got me!

The Cochrum Family Players

The four of us during Thanksgiving break last year

One of my favorite things about coming home is reuniting with my siblings. We didn’t always get along like we do now, and even now we fight and pick at one another sometimes, but in the end, we’ve bonded pretty well.

Case in point: last night Nathaniel, Blair and I broke out the elementary Christmas ensemble books, Nate’s cello and Blair’s violin for some festive holiday music. My viola, Elphaba, sadly is in Missouri, so we had to substitute some really basic piano in for the trio. We had a lot of dorky fun playing different combos, me on cello, Blair on piano, me on violin, Blair on cello, me on piano, Nate jumping in trying to read alto clef because we didn’t have one of the books for cello, he and I reading treble clef when necessary, Blair only reading treble because she’s not as musically bilingual as Nate and I…

In the words of Blair, “I think it’s funny that we used to hate it when Grandma and Grandpa made us put on Christmas concerts, and now we’re just doing it for fun!”

Yes. We’re pretty nerdy. But that’s why we get along.

Here’s a video of one of our musical endeavors. We’ll add the viola and perfect it for Christmas, I’m sure. Also blame the shaky camera work on my 11-year-old brother Alex, who is learning euphonium and couldn’t quite keep up with his orchestral siblings.